Back to Back

Where I am from

Where I am From…..
I am from raggedy buildings within Hitler’s raft
I am from a place where the ketchup is sweeter than candy
I am from white and paneled walls in which I’m trapped physically
and emotionally
I am from a freelanced world in which no one cares what you really do
or say
I am from a world where a man’s love doesn’t matter, but a woman’s
generosity is taken for granted
I am from a household of 1 and the other parent is living a separate life
I am from a quiet neighborhood with violence all around it
I am from chaos, but has serenity within it
I am from a place where babies are having babies
I am from a place in which where you are from is how you were brought up to be
I am from tantrums medication in which I need to live
I am from oxygen of my daddy’s lungs for which I could’ve been lifeless
I am from my journey in which I lived for 17 years now if it wasn’t for
the journey in which I faced I wouldn’t be here right now

The swinging door...

The swinging door...
It swings open, then close. Back and forth, sending off a chill from the breeze.
One walks in, takes a shot or two, takes advantage of a young female, then leaves.
The young female secretly wishes that the betrayal could somehow cease
but it’s just the same shit, a different day; there is nothing she hasn’t seen.

The swinging door...
That young female left that door open for her father one day, simply filled with hope.
He walked in on time; they laughed and smiled, until his true colors were shown.
And then out the door he went, nonchalantly, with his life, he began moving on
Leaving her in her tears, thinking to herself that someone who meant the world to her was now gone.

The swinging door...
Her mother had always been inside, but one day she decided to leave
becoming the person she promised never to be, the young girl couldn’t believe what she was seeing.
A blow to the body was simply nothing but another blow to her heart and inside her tears seeped.
Why was it so difficult for someone she loved to stay; was there anyone she could keep?

The swinging door...
So many footprints on the doormat, you know, the one I call my heart.
Yes. That young female is me; you probably knew that from the start.
In and out they go became used to it; if you look closely you'll see their mark.
Wanting desperately to cover it up, it’s not something I would like to flaunt.

The swinging door...
Maybe, just maybe, access should be denied.
Put a lock on it, if you not already in, you just stuck on the outside.
No more giving in, nor being blind to your clever disguise.
My swinging door is locked. Continuing on with who I already have in my life.

The Dark Skies

The dark skies had faded; they seemed to decide to leave.
But now there's another storm here; and I had thought we saw victory.
I told myself, "She sacrificed for me, and so a blow to the heart won't kill me.
I would sit there and watch you cry; feeling like I was the cause, I felt guilty.
But now I see that it wasn't me. You had some issues going on mentally.
And I cannot resolve it for you by putting up with this stuff. No more waiting on eventually.
Your words pierce my heart; feeling like you did this stuff intentionally.
And they tell me, "She'll come around," but honestly, when will she?
Is it something like procrastination? Because this stuff will put an end to me.
Draining me emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Putting my emotions on paper. But my words have no voice therefore she isn't listening.
The tears streaming my cheeks leave my face glistening.
Her explanation to how she feels isn't legit; I feel broken yet there's no fixing me
One day I'll be gone, then we'll see if she'll be missing me.
Because these fights and altercations are becoming ridiculous.
Our story seems to not be a happily ever after; is there any fixing us?
We used to have people look up to us; we told our story; but now we lost all our listeners.
And I sit and write my emotions; but it seems there's no use in reminiscing because
you won't ever understand how you have an effect on my life.
Constantly putting up with the things no one else in this family will give a try.
Because if it’s not dealt with, then our family knot will untie.
Then we'll all be left on a corner somewhere; alone and left to cry.
It seems as if you're ashamed to say that you have to depend on your child.
But it's ok. I sacrifice in order for us to just be able to get by.
Maybe no one knows the whole story, but they can see that we try.
And they would never understand; you see they are constantly asking why
Like why do I deal with it; I deserve better; without this I can survive
But that's exactly why they never will get it; they see what's on the outside.
They can't see within my heart; where the true emotion lies.
And how I put on the smile to hide my pain and use the makeup as a disguise.
They fail to see my life isn't perfect; guess it's a stranger; hard to recognize.
But the pain we both go through is dealt because we refuse to see eye to eye.
I understand that we disagree but it honestly goes too far.
Turning something so small into something extremely large.
I mean I know that sometimes dealing with a teenager can be hard.
But I try to make it easy for you; your feelings I try to never disregard.
Because then I shall expect the same in return; commit the felony, deal with the charge.
But you see it as if I'm always in the wrong; this is why we continue to fall.
Just because I'm young doesn't mean I always slip and it's my fault.
We are all human so accept the mistakes you make; learn a lesson being taught.
Its then and only then we can continue on to the next part
because we are always up then down; the line going crazy on the chart.
But even though these dark skies are proceeding over us and we are again stuck in the rain.
Forever it won't storm; we both just need to learn to accept change before its too late
Employed as the best; there is no one I would rather claim.
Than someone just as strong as me; like a reflection when I see your face.
So let’s let what's going to happen happen; I refuse to chase
after a fantasy that could become reality, but not in one day.
Together we can do it; establish communication; we will be okay. put it in God's hands; with him I continue to have faith.

Reality with my pen

My eyes open & all they see are the bitter reality.
My mind thinks real; never thinks a dream is something I would desire to foresee.
For everyday it’s the same picture; just a different frame.
Election '08 is over; patiently awaiting the change.
Because around here, you blink once, and what you once knew leaves.
Stuck on stupid; lost, confused, yet its nothing new; this story? You have already seen.
You turn the corner; hoping to film the next scene to your life.
But for some strange reason the soundtrack seems to be on repeat; defeat accustomed with lies.
Looking the enemy straight in the eye; but does it change the outcome? No.
Fear always defeats the possibilities; receiving no results after putting on a marvelous show.
A corrupt government that doesn't sacrifice anything; so what you expect?
Constantly asking why; but its something like a rhetorical question; always desiring more but accepting less.
Gotten used to the worse; stuck in the cold with a mug on my face.
Got my running shoes on; yet nothing anymore is even worth the chase.
Yeah; want to change my life; give it a total 360; for once let the good outweigh the bad
But in a world like the one today, a utopia is something society will never have.
A place we can call home; not hell on earth; that’s what I constantly in vision.
But how can one call anywhere home when they are on the streets or behind the cold bars in prison?
How about the children stuck off in a foster agency where the caretakers don’t give two cares about them
Or the women sitting back accepting the abuse portrayed upon them from these so called 'grown men'
Take the recession ; how can one provide for a family if there are no jobs even available to pursue?
Or the diseases that are spreading like wildfire; killing off millions everyday; what’s a person to do?
A person; a human; someone who is the farthest from perfect; someone who is never mistake free.
But yet a police officer wants to pull up a history of mistakes; leading them to a state penitionary.
So what about that person's newborn daughter? Left to a mother on drugs that can not provide accurate care.
And as she matures, she constantly hears: that’s life and it’s a witch; never fair.
Just one more who will grow up; and live by a hustle that pretty much the world understands.
& they wonder why we look at them crazy when they say 'your destiny is in your hands'
how can it be when mama walked out and daddy never cared? Bluntly it may be.
But nowadays the youth start raising themselves before they even hit their teens.
So if you want to blame me for my own wrong doing and defeat; I bid you go ahead.
But who is it to blame when the young girl went to bed unfed?
Or when the son is in the wrong place at the wrong time, and it ends in a casket in a grave?
Who should have stood up then and took the blame?
How about when Katrina hit and millions lost their homes; pretty much their life?
Who should have sucked it up and through the water put up a huge fight?
A strong man; a wise woman; an educated child; they all know when to defend
The mistake that they made ; never letting their pride seep in.
But when life deals you a hand that sometimes makes you fall
why does the world automatically assume someone somewhere will soon be receiving a collect call?
Why can't the world be united, not far from the victory we all desire and desperately need?
I ask again; how did we let this happen; once was a home; now a stranger is all we see.
So maybe this is hell; and God will guide us to home in heaven; but until then
I guess I'm just stuck here; releasing reality with my pen.

Life

Life
He is my life
He’s apart of me
He made me laugh
He made me cry
I hope you are still alive wherever you are
I hope you know we love you and still care
I don’t want you to be stripped of everything I know you can bare

I still see your shattered emotions on the doors and walls
I want you to be bigger and better than everyone around you is or can be

I need you to live mentally, emotionally, and physically
Cuz if you don’t apart of me will die inside
He needs Mother Nature in his life, but she ignores his callings
When he reaches out for your touch you disappear like a car in the nighttime sky

He needs your heavenly guidance more than ever so pay attention

Cuz if you don’t he will disappear into his mental state of mind where he might never return

Do You Remember

Do you remember?
Do you remember when we were all close?
Do you remember when we used to just chill?
Do you remember when we never used to argue?
I remember all these things
The question is,” Do you remember?”
Do you remember when we used to talk about everything?
Do you remember when we used to laugh about everything together?
Do you remember when we used to tell all our secrets to each other?
T remember all these things
The question,” Do you remember?”
Do you remember when we used to play with Barbies and have no cares?
Do you remember when we used to not know how to talk to boys?
Do you remember when we used to not know how to dress in the everyday fashions?
I remember all these things
The question,” Do you remember?”
Do you remember when none of us had boyfriends?
Do you remember when we all used to have low self-esteem?
Do you remember when none of us wanted to be friends anymore?
I remember all these things
The question, “Do you remember?”
Do you remember when we could give each other advice?
Do you remember when we used to bring each other food when one of us didn’t have it?
Do you remember when we used to buy each other gifts on holidays and birthdays?
I remember all these things
The question,” Do you remember?”
Do you even wanna remember the good and bad times that we have shared?
If you didn’t wanna remember all these things, I suggest you not remember me

A stranger

A stranger I've known my entire life; and even though I feel neglected
I say to you nothing of how I feel but what, all my life, I've been pretending.
A remedy for sorrow from a father's words at birth
cannot be found in stores. Or even in any corner of this earth.
For a child of a broken home feels torn so many times
through the way I never see you and all your little lies.
I noticed the man you were thought to be was nothing but a disguise.

A stranger I've known my entire life; and even though I feel neglected
I say to you nothing of how I feel but what, all my life, I've been pretending.
No I do not like you, I love you. I say those words with caution.
Because you try to buy my love like it’s being sold at some old auction.
But a daughter knows the side roads you take just to make up for the time you lost.
And for 17 years, my love was priceless; why did you think that it cost?
You’re my father, Im your daughter...but I guess it is your loss.

A stranger I've known my entire life; and even though I feel neglected
I say to you nothing of how I feel but what, all my life, I've been pretending.
Two kids of your own, but neither of them you claim.
Too caught up in your other life, filled with cheating and those childish games.
Grown man? I think not. Try a little childish boy.
Newsflash: Im not 5 anymore. You can’t buy me back with some little toy.
So erase your title as a father; change it to unemployed.

So this goes out to a stranger I've known my entire life, and it’s true I've been neglected.
But there's no more holding back how I feel; I am no longer pretending.
I dislike you, but will always love you, for you are my father.
Signed with a happy birthday, love, your daughter.